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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Monday, 03 May 2010 00:00 |
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 During this time of tremendous shift and change, it can be difficult to come back to “center”. Back to balance and harmony. Part of doing this is becoming aware of when we are out of balance, and not grounded or centered.
We live in such a fast paced society, that it can be easy to lose ourselves in work, family, over commitments and busyness. So the question is, how do we begin to tune in to being out of balance in the first place? I would like to share with you my own awareness and journey of coming back to center, at least for fleeting moments, that seem to get longer the more I slow down enough to notice.
After my huge transition this last year of selling my home, relocating and settling into a new place, I became acutely aware of how burned out I was and emotionally exhausted. This showed up as fatigue, anxiety, discontentment and a lack of motivation. Prior to my awareness of my emotional condition, per recommendation of a colleague, I made arrangements to do a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat shortly after my house closed and I officially moved out.
The thought of 10 days of silence was magnificent. I was yearning for stillness and solitude; with no one expecting anything from me. In my mind’s eye these precious 10 days, would be a wonderful opportunity to come back home to myself and to rest deeply.
I mentioned this retreat to a dear friend of mine, who very quickly agreed to accompany me. As we both made preparations for our silent “vacation“, friends would make comments such as, “But, what if you want to leave the retreat?” And both of us would smile and smugly say, “Will, that’s about you and not me!” Others would say, “I can’t imagine being silent for 10 days. How will you ever do it?” Again, we would smile and say, “I can’t wait!”
The day we set out on our grand adventure, we were filled with excitement. For my friend, it was her first time away from her family for almost 20 years. She made certain that there was enough food, supplies and phone numbers to ensure that her family would be well taken care of. For me, I made arrangements that my two cats would be nurtured and loved, while I was away. So, after all of this conscious preparation, all was well for both of us to leave our homes.
 As we made our way to our restful retreat destination, we laughed, talked and shared our excitement. Curiously, as we were approaching our freeway exit to the retreat center, both of us became acutely aware of our physical reactions to the upcoming reality of going into silence for so many days. We both experienced sweaty palms, rapid heart rate and a “what are we doing?” response.
The closer to the retreat center we got, the more aware of our reactions we were. Yet, both of us eased into the deep knowingness that we were where we needed to be and that all was well.
As we were welcomed into the center, we were amazed at how many folks were attending. There were 34 women and 34 men ready to step into 10 days of silence and 10 hours a day of meditating. I was amazed, and wondered what motivated these folks to go deep within and spend 10 days of their life in silence. What were they looking for, and what were they hoping to gain? Such a personal question and yet, my curiosity was peaked.
During the late afternoon and early evening of our orientation, we ate together, were told the ground rules, chatted amongst ourselves and asked a few nervous questions. Then, at 7:30 pm we entered into noble silence and began our inner journey of self reflection, insight, resolution and deep awareness.
The next 10 days were amazing. I quickly learned how I so confidently talked about these 10 days when it was something in the future, and how that confidence shifted when I was actually experiencing the silence and long hours of meditating. What occurred to me, is how often we reflect into the future with plans, intentions and anticipation yet when we actually step into the reality of taking the action steps of achieving those things, it may be much different than what we had ever begun to imagine.
My body hurt, my mind began to chatter almost constantly, and when I could muster some humor in all of this, I realized that I am never really alone, not when I have my thoughts! Remembering that we have more than 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, the constant flow of disjointed conversations were incredible. I also came to realize how cruel some of our thoughts are and the violence that we mentally, and quite unconsciously, put ourselves through.
The Vipassana meditation is structured around the pure teachings of Buddha. It’s based on the quantum physics of “mind and matter”. Our mental mind and the stories we make up, and matter relating to our physical body. Through this training, we begin noticing the different subtle sensations that we have throughout our body, and the realization, that we are addicted to the feelings or sensations that we have; that is the cravings and repulsions of certain sensations. As a result, we also experience the continual desire to recreate a particular sensation. In the movie, “What the Bleep do we Know?”, Candace Pert, a scientist, talked about the addiction we have to the emotion of love. She noted how quickly someone can fall out of love with a person if they don’t respond in a way that “feels” good. This, in combination with our thoughts, can create patterns of habituation or body memory which causes us to keep recreating a pattern of feeling or being that either causes us pain or gives us pleasure. One reason why it is so difficult to change a habit or pattern is because of the cellular memory we have around it, hence our sensations that we experience in our body. Deepak Chopra said that we only have two feelings; yum and yuck.
Being trained in so many disciplines that address the body memory, I was grateful to experience the fullness of what that meant on a very deep and visceral level. The body pain that I experienced was from repressed emotional /body trauma. Because I had never sat for 10 hours a day before, the pain that was repressed never surfaced. When I became aware of my resistance to the pain and the desire to push it away, I was able to relax into being in the moment and releasing the pain. I came to fully realize how impermanent everything is and that within a moment we can shift away resistance to acceptance. Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, said that one of the most difficult things a person can do is to meditate because when one is still, body memory is released and we can be flooded with unresolved emotion, trauma and memories. Our mind acts like a cap to keep us distracted from what is going on inside our bodies. Meditating allows the space for tremendous healing to occur if we don’t push it away.
The reason that the Vipassana training is for 10 days is because it takes around 4 - 5 days before the mind gives it up and surrenders to what is. I noticed that when I surrendered to the pain and struggle, I was able to fully be present in the moment. As a result, my memory and experience of the 10 days felt soft without any exaggerated story or drama. Being in the precious moments allowed me to move through my pain and quiet my mind.
I wonder if this deep awareness of being with what is, could perhaps release the addiction to drama. What if we consciously consented to the truth that we were dealt? Not to become victims or passive, rather consent to what is and move forward in a proactive way thus allowing solutions to emerge.
I would invite anyone who was interested in releasing, clearing away and becoming aware of beliefs, attitudes and patterns that may no longer serve you to research the possibility of doing a Vipassana retreat. If you decide to do it, make sure that you spend time making the decision because it is a challenging experience and the results are amazing. For me, it was life changing and I know that my personal awareness’s will continue to surface as I move deeper into integrating all that happened in those 10 days. I feel blessed that I was able to experience this truly phenomenal training.
For more information you can google Vipassana meditation.
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Monday, 08 February 2010 00:00 |
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I recently read Lynne Twist’s book, “The Soul of Money”. It’s about reclaiming the wealth of our inner resources that is often lost when money comes into the picture. This book dispels the myths of money and the profound significance that we have placed upon it. During this time of economic transition and challenge, it is a perfect book to bring forth the realities, fears and illusions that money often signifies. It’s ironic that as a Nation and as a world, we are faced with coming to terms with how money deeply influences how we individually and as a world feel about ourselves.
I have counseled many individuals who have been deeply affected by the economic situation. Some have completely lost their retirement funds while others have lost their sense of personal value due to a loss of a long held job. It seems that none of us have gone unscathed during this period of financial transition.
I have delved deeply into the emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects of money and the relative meaning that we have placed on it. It is truly amazing how much value is placed on the “almighty dollar” not only in the possessions we can acquire but the emotional buy-in that often identifies an individual’s sense of personal worth and value. A shift in financial status, either acquiring more or losing it, dramatically influences one’s sense of well-being. The question of “who am I if I don’t have an excellent credit score or a large bank account?” can take it‘s toll on an individual‘s sense of significance.
The illusion that money can buy happiness is quickly melting into the harsh reality of what our country was built upon, an illusion that money can take our troubles away. Now that so many have lost this shaky sense of security, many don’t know how to pick themselves up and begin pulling their lives together. It’s as if we have built our sense of worth on something that is too fluid and unstable to hold onto. Like grains of sand in an hourglass. Faced with this reality, how does one pick themselves up and move forward?
Through all of my learning’s both personally and professionally, what I know to be true is first an individual needs to know at a very deep level, that they are going to be OK. That their basic needs will be addressed. This is where community comes in not only for physical support but also emotional support. Taking the time to offer whatever help or aid to a neighbor or friend can hugely benefit someone. Also taking time to really listen to what folks are going through. Not listening to add to the drama rather listening so that the other knows that they are not alone; that there are solutions.
I realize that this period in our history is one of great strife and suffering. I also sense that at a very deep level we are cleansing our Nation of systems that no longer work. As with any significant change within a culture there is the period of uncertainty and fear. Notice your thoughts, attitudes and “story” of how this period is affecting your life. Becoming aware is the first step in making a change. Spend time with folks who uplift you rather than add to your discontent. Together we will find the solutions and move forward in a productive and proactive way. It begins first by being the change that you want to see. Now is the time to walk your talk, one step at a time.
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Tuesday, 19 January 2010 00:00 |
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 Recently, I saw the movie, “Up in the Air” with George Clooney. I wasn’t sure what the movie was about but was intrigued with the title. Plus, I really appreciate the quality of acting that George Clooney offers.
The theme of the movie is about folks being laid off from their jobs and the subsequent emotions that are experienced. The movie touched me in many ways because of what I have witnessed with clients, friends and colleagues who have either lost their job or were on the verge of being laid off. Those who had not yet lost their job, were wondering when the proverbially “shoe” was going to drop. When they were going to be told that their position was no longer needed at the company. They also experienced “survivor’s” guilt. That is, keeping their job while their co-workers lost theirs, sometimes finding it hard to maintain a “cheerful” and productive attitude.
I cried through part of the movie because of the harsh reality that is happening within our country of folks losing their jobs that they had held for many years, and the sense of shock that filled their reality. Many are being told that though they had done a great job, they were no longer needed. Folks who were hoping to retire within a couple of years, found themselves needing to find another job, with retirement no where in sight.
I feel that as a country we are experiencing a blanket of grief that has not been addressed. People who have held their same position in a job for years are getting fired and are shocked with the reality of losing a life long dream of retiring with pride and benefits. How does someone pick themselves back up and look optimistically into the future? And how can we as a nation, support them?
I have had the opportunity to work with many folks who are transitioning from their job, either through layoffs or the company they are with declaring bankruptcy. The general sense of hopelessness and despair are often the prevalent emotions that quickly surface. Questions of what to do next, how will I make my monthly mortgage payment, and why is this happening to me, are often the uncertainties and wonderings that individuals express. It’s as if their whole world is turned upside down and they are “up in air” as to what to do next. Their primal needs of food, shelter and clothing are the main focus of their attention. Stress and anxiety are acute and constant, making simple decisions difficult.
As I work with these individuals, I offer them some simple steps, that if used daily, will bring some relief and peace of mind to them. The first step is to breathe and slow down enough to begin settling one’s nervous system. Pervasive and acute stress trains the autonomic nervous system which includes our breathing, heart rate and secretion of stress hormones to be on overload. The more we feel stressed and anxious, the more difficult it is to calm the nervous system down. With regular practice of noticing one’s breathing and taking time to stop and breathe, over time, one’s nervous system will begin to slow down.
A suggestion is to begin each day with gratitude and “thank yous” for your breath, your beating heart, and your beautiful body. Then begin to focus for a few minutes on your breath. Breathing in and out, and allowing your body to relax. Focus your attention around the area of your heart and breathe in gratitude, appreciation and love for yourself. Allow yourself to be filled with these feelings and notice yourself accepting it. Practice this throughout the day as you step into your life. It can be done anytime, anywhere, with eyes open or closed. With continual practice you will begin to see results. Once we slow ourselves down enough, we can see that there are many options right in front of us. Many times they are just a breath away!
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Tuesday, 12 January 2010 00:00 |
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As we’re ending the first weeks of the New Year, many folks may be looking at their New Year’s resolutions with some discouragement and frustration as the resolutions they pronounced on New Year’s Eve may have fallen by the wayside. Perhaps a repeat from last year’s proclamation of making a change and living life a different way, only to fail once again.
I have talked to several folks about their New Year’s resolutions and many say, that they no longer do resolutions because they don’t follow through with them. Other’s have felt discouraged because they really wanted to shift their behaviors and attitudes and ended up going back on their word. Thus feeling miserable and defeated.
My invitation to you, is to look at the meaning around your resolution and look deep inside yourself for what your intention of changing a belief or habit is. What if, you did inner-resolution that invoked deep healing and inner peace? What if you approached yourself with compassion, forgiveness, love and gratitude as you stepped into a new way of being. Would that make a difference in whether you were able to follow through with your resolutions? I believe that it would.
Notice how much time you spend on creating resolutions and how much detail you give them. Do you create broad statements like, “I’m going to lose weight this year?” or “I’m going to quit smoking or drinking?” While these resolutions are specific, getting to the core of what motivates someone to hold on to specific behaviors may not be addressed by simply stating the intention. It takes action steps and a commitment to get to the “heart of the matter”.
I’ve noticed that as I facilitate individuals and groups towards inner-resolution, that it’s a process of unfolding or getting clear with what the intention of the release of the behavior, attitude or habit is. That is, why they are wanting to eliminate it from their life. With this in mind, individuals and/or groups create their inner-resolutions through discovering what the initial intention of the behavior, attitude or habit was. That is, to get to the core of where it originated. When we can get to the core or bring the unconscious part of us forward, we can then clearly see what we are dealing with. Once we are clear with how a belief, attitude or habit serves us, then we can release it with love and create space for an updated and healthier choice.
As you step into this new way of looking at resolutions, be patient and kind with yourself. Sometimes the belief, attitude or behavior that you are wanting to release can put up a bit of resistance. Write down the resistance, reframe it to something positive and breathe. An example of this inner resistance may be, “You’ve failed in the past, why do you think you can succeed this time?” Notice the reaction you have. Locate it in your body. Thank it for showing up and reframe it to, “I intend that I am successful in everything that I set my intention to do!!!” You may need to repeat this process several times before there is a shift. The important thing is to slow down enough to notice your inner voice, or “shadow” voice and stop the chatter by saying “Stop!!!” Is that true? And create a new positive intention.
With practice, you will notice how quickly you catch yourself with a negative response and turn it around into something positive.
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Wednesday, 14 October 2009 01:00 |
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 For the last several months, twice a week I have had the wonderful opportunity of interviewing many of the authors from Overcomers, Inc., a book due out in mid October 2009, on my blogtalkradio show. It has been such an honor to be welcomed into the lives of these authors as they talk of their own struggles, trials and ultimate victories surrounding the unique challenges each faced in their life.
What I am most profoundly aware of is the resiliency of the human heart and spirit. During this time in history all of us, to some degree, are being challenged in areas of our lives, which create tremendous vulnerability and angst. How is it that some folks rise to the occasion, while others sink? It has a lot to do with resiliency, hope, courage and tremendous tenacity. Some folks are born with this internal strength, while others gain it through living life. Either way, the results are phenomenal.
I love hearing stories of hope, courage and inspiration because it reminds me that all of our stories of life are important to tell. They are especially powerful when we tell them in a way that is victorious and witnessed by others. Victorious in that, one is able to fully embrace the situation in a way that is empowering to the individual and also honors the gifts of the dilemma that are sometimes hidden.
The authors I have interviewed thus far have dealt with life threatening diseases, losses of a loved one or devastation from a divorce, to name just a few. All of them expressed the same learning’s, though in different words, that when they lifted themselves up with an open, compassionate and loving heart embracing the adversity that tore apart their world, that that is where their true gift was.
I am so grateful and deeply blessed, with not only speaking with these amazing individuals but to be part of this incredible journey of “Overcomers” overcoming adversity with hope, courage and inspiration. Thank you all for your participation and dedication to help make this a better world.
I am still in the process of interviewing the authors and would invite you to take the time to listen. Be ready to be inspired! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/inspirationsoftheheart
Enjoy insights into Overcoming Adversity with Grace with the FREE ebook at http://www.overcomersbook.com/grace
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